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Attracted to my boss?!

Sep 25th, 2008 by Dr. Gourgouris | 0

Dr. Elia,

My question is about men and women’s relationships in the work force. I have a happy marriage and a good family. Two years ago, due to financial challenges, I had to go back to work. My boss and I are LDS. We work well together and get along great. I really like my job and my family has adjusted to my hectic schedule. However, I am finding that I am becoming attracted to my boss and I think he is becoming attracted to me–I’m sensing gender tension…My question is how can men and women work together and not cross the line? Is it possible for male and female relationships to remain plutonic? What can I do to keep my job, keep my family and keep my sanity? I am feeling a lot of confusing and overwhelming emotions and would appreciate some advice.



Dear Nora,

You ask some very important questions about relationships at work. Let
me begin by saying that it is entirely possible for male and female
relationships to remain platonic. Millions of men and women work side by
side all over the world and don’t end up having an affair. That’s the
good news…In your case there seems to be a mutual attraction that has
developed between you and your boss. This too is quite common when
members of the opposite gender work in close proximity with one another
over a long period of time. You’re spending a good portion of your time
with this man every day. It’s only natural that some feelings may arise.

It’s great that you’ve recognized these feelings now…before you
cross a line that would end up hurting a lot of innocent people. Namely
your husband, your children, yourself, your boss and his family. The
tricky part is if these feelings escalate to the point of needing to
quit your job in order to preserve your eternal family. Perhaps it would
be time to start putting more of your energy towards your husband. By
that I mean, more date nights, a romantic weekend gateway, without the
kids. It’s very important that you transfer the energy going towards
your boss back to your husband.

Even though being attracted to others outside of marriage is somewhat
normal, that does not mean we have to act upon these urges. We do have
the free agency to make correct choices that will lead us to real, long
lasting happiness, as opposed to temporary pleasure. Good luck with your
predicament…you are certainly not alone. Choose the right! In the end
it might be better to sacrifice your job than your eternal family. If
you can keep your job and maintain appropriate boundaries, of course
would be the ideal


Elia Gourgouris Ph.D.

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