I recently received a question pertaining to sexual addiction and infidelity in a marriage. Because of the amount of detail contained in the question, I have elected to remove it from this site. The answer to the question appears below for the benefit of those who may be struggling with similar issues.
First of all, your feelings are NOT messed up! Not wanting to be
intimate with your husband after years of infidelity is perfectly
normal. Trust is the primary cornerstone of any successful relationship.
Your husband has completely emptied the marital “trust fund” through
his actions. Clearly he has a LOT of work ahead of him to try and
restore whatever little is left from the destruction he has caused.
You say he “needs it a lot” and therefore you feel like you should
oblige…He’s an addict and like any addict, of course he would say he
needs it a lot. What however might be in his best interest is a period
of abstinence. He needs to be working with a therapist that specializes
in Sexual Addiction recovery on a weekly basis. He also needs to be
attending a 12-Step support group (where abstinence is encouraged.)
finally he needs to be meeting with your Bishop every Sunday for the
time being. If he does ALL of these steps for a long time then he might
have a chance of a different and by that I mean, a sober life!
I seriously doubt if he truly knows what love or real love-making is all
about. He might be great at “lust-making” but that is part of his
problem. You do not want to enable his lust-making by trying to meet
those addictive acting-out needs. Taking care of yourself does mean that
you treat your body and yourself with respect. You are NOT an object for
his desires. You are a daughter of your Heavenly Father…always
If you need to talk more, please feel free to call.
Elia Gourgouris Ph.D.