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Sep 2nd, 2008 by Dr. Gourgouris | 0
Dr. Elia,

I have been seeing my psychologist now for over three years. I find him to be very helpful and mindful of the good things I am working on. Unfortunately, he has decided to pursue a relationship with a friend of mine. They are both single, and although I am happy for her, I’m wondering if it is right for me to continue to go to him for therapy. It just feels very strange and I’m very confused. I care about them both. I want to keep seeing him, but it just feels very weird. What do you recommend?


Dear Confused,

Your confusion is entirely appropriate… You’ve had a successful therapeutic relationship with your psychologist for over 3 years. Now all of a sudden he decides to pursue a relationship with one of your friends. There might be some ethical issues for him to consider depending the State in which he practices psychology. As for you, it comes down to a couple of basic choices:

The first one is to attempt to deal with your feelings about him dating your friend within the therapeutic relationship. A word of caution however… Do you wish to be spending your hard earned money in therapy talking about HIS girlfriend? If the answer is no, or you’ve tried doing that with no successful resolution then you’re left with only one other choice.

Terminate your relationship with him and seek to find another psychologist without all these complications. Believe me, he’s not the only good mental health provider around.

Good luck…

Elia Gourgouris Ph.D.

Single @ BYU

Aug 22nd, 2008 by Dr. Gourgouris | 0

Dear Dr. Elia,

I am currently a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I am 29 years old. I came to this university with the intent to pursue an education and find a girl that would be compatible with me and eventually marry in the Temple. Four years later I am single and about to graduate. I do not feel like a failure because I dated often and was even engaged once.

The fact of the matter is this…lately I have found myself not knowing how to progress with a girl after a casual encounter. I go on a date with a girl of my liking then I freeze and do not know how to proceed. I want more to happen but I think I am just to eager for it to happen.

How can I over come this?


Dear Gemini,

Sometimes when we try too hard to get what we want the stress and pressure can be overwhelming. It sounds like you’re experiencing some apprehension after the initial date(s). It makes sense because it can potentially have eternal consequences. You certainly don’t want to appear “desperate.” That is a huge turn off for women. If you thought back to the times you felt the most confident about dating, what were you doing? How were you feeling about yourself and how did that come across to your dates? Women are VERY attracted to confident men! Confidence must never come across as arrogance however. That is a another big turn-off.

You desire to meet the woman of your dreams and get married in the Temple will be answered in due time. Try to gain the “penthouse perspective” which says that there are many options in life. I bet you envisioned being married way before you turned 30…This big birthday is coming up…I know so many singles who feel like failures because they’re past 30 and have not met their eternal companion. All I can say, from personal experience too, since I got married later on in life, is this: It’s more important to find the RIGHT person and create a lifelong loving union and then enjoy each other’s company in the eternities, than to compromise out of fear of being alone and short change yourself.

We’re older parents but so what? Our friends who are close to our age are having grandkids already and we’re 10 years “behind.” The really important issue however is did we choose the right companion? Since we can both answer with an unequivocal YES, that’s all that matters. I share this with you as my way of saying…relax and enjoy the date…move forward with confidence and faith and you’ll be fine. Keep in touch and let me know how things turn out…

God bless you,

Elia Gourgouris Ph.D

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