Dear Dr. Elia,
I have a problem with my ex-wife. I still love her with all my heart. I never wanted to get a divorce, but I had problems telling her the truth and she wanted to move on. We still are the best of friends and celebrate holidays, birthdays, etc together. And I believe she still cares for me, but is afraid to take a risk again.
Well my question is should I move on or should I still try my best to get her trust back and love. I have changed, I now never lie to her about anything and she has admitted the great change in me herself. I realized that lies no matter how small never helped and all I was doing was pushing her away. I have always loved her and still do with all my heart and soul. And I have told her this. You should know that all most every lie small or large was mainly amount finances/money. Her family was always better off and she grow up with money, and cam e from a family with out much money and didn’t want her to think I was a failure with the money in our life.
Any advice, reading or help of any kind would greatly be appreciated.
Thank you for help,
Missing My Only Love
Trust is the very foundation of any meaningful relationship, especially
marriage. It is the “rock” that can withstand and endure all the storms
of life. On the flip side, lies destroy trust and reduces the foundation
of a relationship to sand. When the storms come as they surely will, the
relationship crumbles to the sea…I feel your pain and see your regret
over the past lies that ended up costing you the most important
relationship of your life: your eternal marriage.
I am an optimist by nature and have seen many “miracles” transpire over
the last 20 years in working with couples. I have learned that with an
open mind and a willing heart, anything is possible. Clearly it sounds
like you would be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to regain
your ex-wife’s trust. The question lies with were is her heart? What if
any options do you have with her? Restoring the bonds of a true
friendship seems like a natural first step.
It looks like you enjoy each other’s company and spend quality time
celebrating holidays and birthdays together. Would it be premature to
ask her out on a date? Do you know her love languages? Do you have
children together? Perhaps you can share a little more information…it
would be helpful.
In the meantime, keep the faith and the candle burning. It would be
interesting to get her perspective as well. You might also want to read
a couple of articles that I’ve written on the www.mormontimes.com site
on marriage and finances. If you have any additional questions let me
know…I’d love to see a happy ending!
Elia Gourgouris Ph.D.